Problems We Help You Solve
We are complex beings living in a fast-paced environment where our genetics, families of origin, past experiences, and current situations can challenge our abilities to enjoy life to the fullest.
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Children and Teens
Stress
Definition:
- Our body’s way of reacting to a challenge and preparing to adapt to a tough situation with focus, strength, stamina, and heightened alertness.
- Good Stress and Bad Stress: Some stress can be positive, in that it provides the energy to tackle a big test, presentation, or sports event. Too much stress, however, can create unnecessary hardship and challenge.
Cause:
- Stressors: Events that provoke stress include physical danger, making a presentation in class, parental separation/divorce, pressure to succeed, self-esteem, peer pressure, or medical illness.
- Stress Overload: Pressures that are too intense or last too long, or troubles that are shouldered alone such as being bullied or exposed to violence or injury, relationship stress, family conflicts, death of a loved one, ongoing problems with schoolwork related to a learning disability, crammed schedules, not having enough time to rest and relax, and always being on the go.
Treatment and Prevention:
- When you are under excessive stress it’s always best to talk to someone about it, because the stress reaction in your body and mind causes you to be less rational and less capable of identifying potential options or solutions to the problems that are causing the stress.
- Learn positive coping skills, such as relaxation techniques, changing negative or defeating thought patterns, assertiveness training, exercise, distract yourself with hobbies, etc.
- Seek individual, couples, or family therapy for a customized plan to manage your stress.
Anxiety
Definition:
- A natural alarm within the nervous system called the Fight-or-Flight Response, which is activated whenever a person perceives danger or a threat. The response can cause the person to experience increased heart rate and breathing, tense muscles, sweaty palms, stomach and digestive system upset, and trembling hands or legs.
- Anxiety disorders are mental health conditions that involve excessive amounts of anxiety, fear, nervousness, worry, or dread. Anxiety that is too constant or too intense can cause a person to feel preoccupied, distracted, tense, and always on alert.
Cause:
- Several factors can play a role, including your genetics, past traumatic events, brain biochemistry, stressful life circumstances, and learned behaviors.
Treatment and Prevention:
- Learn and practice relaxation techniques that change your physical symptoms and thoughts (i.e., deep breathing, guided imagery, tai chi, or yoga).
- Get enough sleep, proper nourishment, and regular exercise.
- Connect with others (i.e., spend time with friends and family; participate in organized activities).
- Connect with nature (i.e., walking, hiking, trail biking, etc.).
- Work with a therapist to learn techniques to manage anxiety and to create a plan tailored to your specific situation.
Shyness
Definition:
- A person’s temperament or personality style that often is associated with low self-esteem and affects how a person feels and behaves around others.
- In social situations, the person can feel anxious or nervous, self-conscious, timid, or insecure, and may notice physical sensations like blushing or feeling speechless, shaky, or breathless.
- These symptoms often cause the person to avoid situations where they are around people, or they must perform a task in front of others.
Cause:
- Shyness is partly a result of genetics (not everyone with a genetic tendency to be shy develops a shy temperament). Shyness is also influenced by behaviors the person has learned, the ways people have reacted to their shyness, and life experiences.
- New and unfamiliar situations can bring out shy feelings (i.e., first day of school, meeting someone new, or speaking in front of a group, etc.).
Treatment and Prevention:
- Learn and practice social skills, such as assertiveness; communication, role play conversations; learn friendly, confident body language.
- Anxiety and anti-depression medications can also help reduce the symptoms allowing the person to be better able to tolerate the situations while working on the skills in therapy.
- Seek individual therapy to learn the skills and techniques to reduce your anxiety, be more assertive, communicate more effectively, and develop more confidence in social situations.
Poor School Performance
Definition:
- Poor school performance is usually reflected in poor grades, and sometimes involves the child acting out or getting in trouble at school. At least 20% of children in a classroom get poor grades.
- Poor school performance is usually a symptom of a larger underlying problem with the child or in the home, and can cause a child or teen to have low self-esteem, avoidant and defiant behaviors, or trouble with authorities as well as causing significant stress to parents.
Cause:
- There are many reasons for children to under perform at school. The reason may be as simple as a need for glasses or a change in home routine, such as moving or adding new family members, or increased stress in the child’s home or school environment. It may also be due to a specific learning disorder, attention-deficit/hyperactivity disorder, emotional problems, or medical problems.
Treatment and Prevention:
- At first, it is best to work with your child and his/her teacher to better understand your child’s struggles, and to get a physical exam by his/her pediatrician to rule out any medical or physical problems.
- A psychologist can perform psychological testing on your child to determine your child’s specific academic and learning strengths and weaknesses.
- Then, a therapist can work with you and your child to address any emotional barriers, and build skills and strategies to use your child’s strengths to adapt to or bolster their weaknesses.
Defiant Behaviors
Definition:
- Seemingly incapable or completely unwilling to follow rules, cooperate with adults, or accept any sort of discipline or structure.
- May go for long periods without an episode of defiant behaviors, and then, either due to a small trigger or for no apparent reason, break significant rules, use abusive language with others, or in some way act out.
Cause:
- Many different factors may contribute to children/teens acting out (i.e., history of abuse, neglect, or trauma; a chemical issue may be present; in-utero exposure to substances; may be the symptom of an underlying mental health condition).
- May also develop when parents do not succeed in teaching boundaries or other social skills.
Treatment and Prevention:
- Often children or teens who exhibit defiant behaviors on an ongoing basis have a difficult time with communication or emotional expression, and benefit from learning about emotions and/or anger management techniques. This empowers the child/teen to understand their emotional response and teaches them how to verbally express their feelings appropriately and better manage their behaviors.
- Treatment usually also involves developing new parenting techniques so that all parents or step-parents involved consistently enforce the same rules with similar consequences.
Bullying or Conflict with Peers and/or Siblings
Definition:
- Bullying is when a person is picked on over and over again by an individual or group with more power, either in terms of physical strength or social standing.
- Bullying is a problem that affects millions of students, and not only the kids on the receiving end.
- Some bullies attack their targets physically (i.e., shoving, tripping, punching, hitting, or sexual assault); others use psychological control or verbal insults and intimidation to put themselves in charge.
Cause:
- Two of the main reasons people are bullied are because of their appearance or social status. Bullies pick on people that they think don’t fit in, maybe because of how they look, how they act (i.e., kids who are shy or withdrawn), or because of the bully’s perception of their race, religion, gender identity, or sexual preference.
- What if you’re the bully?
- When some people feel stressed, angry, or frustrated, picking on someone else can be a quick escape, making the bully feel powerful, and taking the attention away from their problems.
- Some bullies learn from firsthand experience. Perhaps name-calling, putdowns, or physical force are the norms in their homes.
Treatment and Prevention:
- People who are bullied often need to develop stronger assertiveness skills and self-esteem.
- People who bully others often need to develop less aggressive assertiveness skills, self-esteem, anger management skills, and to develop better empathy and compassion for others.
- Whether you are the bully or the bullied, seeking individual and/or family therapy can help identify the factors that promote bullying, and develop skills and techniques to reduce it or respond to it effectively.
Irritability and Anger
Definition:
- Anger is defined as a person’s response to a threat or the perception of a threat against an individual or group.
- Anger can be adaptive by energizing an individual and heightening cognitive awareness to take action against a threat or perceived threat.
- Anger is an emotion that is often difficult to control because of the intense physiological reactions involved in the fight-or-flight response that triggers anger.
- Anger is a natural human emotion, but people handle it differently. Some hold in their anger and let it build, some lash out with hurtful words, some resort to fighting, and some just explode.
Cause:
- The types of threats that tend to trigger an anger response are broad in scope and include both physical threats and psychological threats, or threats to a person’s pride or dignity.
- Anger can also evolve from empathic concern or perceptions of injustice and is related to cognitive factors (i.e., hostility and cynicism).
- Some of it may be the changes your body is going through: Hormones can cause mood swings and confused emotions.
- Some of it may be stress: People who are under a lot of pressure tend to get angry more easily.
- Some of it may be your personality: You may be someone who feels your emotions intensely or tends to act impulsively or lose control.
- Some of it may be your role models: Maybe you’ve seen other people in your family blow a fuse when they’re mad.
- Feeling irritable, short-tempered, or angry can also be signs of depression, especially in children and teens.
Treatment and Prevention:
- In order to better control your anger, you will need to build self-awareness and self-control skills. Self-awareness is the ability to notice what you’re feeling and thinking, and why. Self-control is all about thinking before you act.
- Anger management involves identifying what makes you angry, identifying what it feels like in your body as you start to get angry, separating yourself from the situation, taking steps to calm yourself down, and returning to use problem solving skills resolve the issue.
- Seek individual and/or family therapy for customized guidance to learn the necessary skills and apply them in your specific situations.
Sadness and Depression
Definition:
- Feeling sad, down, or discouraged are natural human emotions. They’re reactions to the hassles and hurdles of life. We all feel this way at times.
- Depression is more than occasionally feeling blue, sad, or down in the dumps, though.
- Depression is a strong mood involving sadness, discouragement, despair, or hopelessness that lasts for weeks, months, or even longer.
- Depression affects more than a person’s mood. It drains the energy, motivation, and concentration a person needs for normal activities. It interferes with the ability to notice or enjoy the good things in life.
Cause:
- We may feel sad over an argument with a friend, a breakup, or a best friend moving out of town.
- We might be disappointed about doing poorly on a test.
- Perhaps we feel discouraged if our team can’t seem to break its losing streak.
- The death of someone close can lead to a specific kind of sadness: grief.
- Many things play a role in depression: inherited traits from family members who may have had depression; living in a difficult family or social environment; reaction to difficult or stressful life events; the balance of naturally occurring chemicals (neurotransmitters) in the brain affect mood; daylight and seasons; challenging social environments; life events; certain medical conditions.
Treatment and Prevention:
- Depression can get better with the right attention and care; but if it’s not treated, things can stay bad or get worse.
- Get a medical checkup, a doctor can check for any health conditions that might be causing symptoms of depression. For example, conditions such as hypothyroidism can cause a depressed mood, low energy, and tiredness.
- Meet with a mental health professional. A psychologist, psychiatrist, or therapist can evaluate and diagnose depression and work with you to create a plan to treat it.
- Treatment for depression might include talk therapy or medication, but research shows that a combination of both is most effective.
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Couples and Families
Families
Frequent conflicts
Definition
- Characterized by yelling, cursing, blaming, insulting.
- Arguing between immediate and/or extended family.
Causes
- Changes in financial circumstances (loss of employment, increase in rent, paying for college, hospital bills, etc).
- Scheduling (children’s activities, daily family activities)
- Technology use (spending too much time on technological devices, using devices at inappropriate times)
- Lack of personal space or alone time
- Sibling rivalry
- Extended family obligations (helping family members with tasks, taking care of family members, etc.)
- Poor communication
- Transition into different stages (births, school, changing careers, death)
Treatment
- Take time to discover what specific behaviors are bothersome and talk about it.
- Draw appropriate boundaries.
- Negotiate or compromise a solution.
- Learn effective communication skills
- Choose your battles, let unimportant things slide
- Seek family therapy
Lack of cooperation
Definition
- The family is unable to help each other achieve goals.
- Frequent fighting and discord
Causes
- Lack of coping skills for individuals within the family
- Low self-esteem within the family unit
- Ineffective conflict resolution
- Unresolved conflicts
Treatment
- Family bonding activities (go for a hike, do something together out of the ordinary)
- Learn effective coping skills
- Learn effective communication skills
- Seek family therapy
Lack of family cohesion
Definition
- Cohesion is the level of support and commitment that family members have for each other.
- The emotional bond family members have towards one another.
Causes
- Frequent conflicts
- Lack of positive quality time spent together
- Difference in family values
Treatment
- Realigning of family beliefs and values
- Increased time spent as a family without conflict
- Learn effective communication skills
- Individual stress management skills
- Seek family therapy
Undermining parental authority
Definition
- To indirectly attack the rights and responsibilities a parent has for their child.
- To undo the rules a parent has created for their child whether it be purposeful or not
Causes
- May be caused by inconsistent parenting, lecturing, and hypocrisy.
- Family discord leading family members to sabotage the parents of a child or children.
- Disagreements about what is best for the child
Treatment
- Consistent parenting.
- Being clear about what the rules and expectation are for your child with other family members
- Communication between family members
- Appropriate behavioral models
- With the help of a family therapist, create rules for the children together and discuss differences with the help of the therapist.
Differing parenting styles
Definition
- Authoritarian - authoritarian parents expect their children to follow strict rules without explanation. These are the strictest parents and have the highest demands but are not responsive to their children.
- Authoritative - authoritative parents expect their children to follow rules, but are responsive to question their children will have about the rules. When children of these types of parents don’t follow the rules the parents are more forgiving and nurturing rather than punishing. The methods of discipline these parents prefer are more supportive than punitive.
- Permissive - sometimes referred to as indulgent parents, they have few demands for their children. Discipline is rare because of low self-control expectations. These parents usually take on the role of friend to their children rather than parent. They are very responsive and nurturing but do not set limits or demands for their children.
- Uninvolved - uninvolved parenting style is characterized by few demands, low responsiveness and little communication. These parents fill the basic needs of their children, but are not involved in their children’s life. Children of these parents may also experience rejection and neglect in extreme cases.
Causes
- There could be many causes for a difference in parenting styles between partners. Usually an individual will use the style most familiar to them from their childhood.
- Education may also affect an individual’s parenting choices.
Treatment
- Open communication between partners to help them make appropriate decisions about discipline and childrearing throughout the duration of raising children.
- Couples therapy has been successful in helping parents come to an agreement about parenting styles and to assist with blending styles.
Co-parenting
Definition
- Sharing parental responsibilities and decision between an unmarried, separated, or divorced couple.
Causes
- A recent break, separation, or divorce leads to having to share or work together in order to maintain parental responsibilities equally.
- The relationship becomes primarily based on the well being of the children.
Treatment
- Put the children’s needs first, before any disagreements or issues the parents may have.
- Be consistent with rules between the two households
- If you are frustrated with the arrangement discuss it with a supportive friend. Do not unload issues onto your children
- Keep in mind at all times that co-parenting is best for the children when issues arise with your ex.
- Do not use children as messengers
- Keep conversations business like
- Expect frequent communication in order to maintain consistency
- Compromise on issues you don’t feel too strongly about
- Do not get angry when the child refuses to go to the other parent. Try to understand why and talk to your ex.
- Seek couples therapy to assist in figuring how to have the type of relationship necessary for co-parenting
Loss and traumatic events
Definition
- Experiencing the death of a family member or loved one.
- An experience that produces psychological injury or pain
- Loss of a pet
- Loss of employment, a drastic change in financial circumstance, etc.
- Traumatic events such as, a car accident, near death experience, abuse, etc.
Causes
- Individuals within a family may feel numb and distracted, irritable, angry, sad, tired, trouble sleeping
- Children may become more anxious, monitoring their environment, separation anxiety, irritable, may become more aggressive, an increased need for affection, support and reassurance.
- Parents may become more stressed resulting in insensitivity, lack of responsiveness, withdrawal, and lack of warmth.
- Families may experience chaos, disorganization and instability.
Treatment
- Coping skills to manage loss and anxiety associated with trauma
- Process memories and feelings associated with the trauma or loss
- Finding healthy ways as an outlet for anxiety and anger.
- Learn emotional regulation techniques
- Ongoing family therapy treatment
- Individual or couples therapy
New Parents
Definition
- Having a new baby or babies
Causes
- New parents may experience such difficulties as lack of sleep, less time for each other, exhaustion, financial hardship, medical issues and complications, arguing, etc.
- It may also be difficult for new parents to decide on what’s best for the new baby in regards to eating and sleeping arrangements. There are many new decisions to make as new parents and blending two different styles of raising children can be a difficult task.
Treatment
- Finding help and support through extended family, close friends, or child care providers
- Parenting seminars or workshops offered in the community
- Seek couples therapy
Couples
Poor communication
Definition
- Couples may be talking but not able to feel heard or listened too.
- Couples may find it difficult to express their inner most thoughts and desires to their partner.
Causes
- Poor listening skills
- Language barriers
- Emotional barriers - a greater potential for misunderstanding when emotions are involved
- Environmental barriers - distraction, interruptions, noise, talking too softly, physical distance
- Poor timing
- Perceptual barriers - individuals may perceive messages incorrectly
Treatment
- Set aside time to communicate free of distractions and interruptions
- Learn effective listening skills
- Make a list of important things to discuss
- Seek help through couples therapy where having a mediator can help you feel heard and learn ways to improve communication
Unresolved arguments
Definition
- The argument may be over, but an individual may feel the issues have not been resolved
- Resent may develop as a result
Causes
- Poor communication
- Interruptions and distractions
- Emotions getting in the way of effective communication
- Lack of understanding
- Lack of desire to make things better
Treatment
- Setting aside more time to discuss the issue
- Communicate effectively
- Gain assistance through couples therapy
Anger and verbal attacks
Definition
- When partners use name calling, curse words, and threats towards their partner
Causes
- Lack of communication skills
- Anger management issues
- Lack of self-control
- Learned behavior from childhood
Treatment
- Learn how to control anger and to communicate without using threats or name calling
- Practice self-control
- Seek the help of a marriage and family therapist to learn effective communication and anger control
Lack of intimacy
Definition
- Relationships naturally change and some couples experience a loss of closeness and comfort within the relationship
- A loss of the emotional connection
- A reduction in sexual intimacy
Causes
- Stress from finances, too much/not enough work, children, daily activities
- Not enough time together, growing apart
- Holding on to resentments after arguments
- Lack of communication
Treatment
- Find ways to spend more time together
- Discover ways to help cope with stress
- Learn effective communication to lessen arguments and misunderstandings
- Seek couples therapy to help with stress management, communication, and other issues within the relationship
Power struggles
Definition
- A phase of a couple’s relationship that begins after the infatuation phase.
- When the couple begins lowering expectations of each other
- When one partner stops listening to the other because they are “always right.”
Causes
- Most often a natural progression within the relationship
Treatment
- Learn communication so that you can share your heart openly without rubbing each other’s emotional raw spots
- Safely connect with each other in a way that makes you feel close
- End recurring conflict, so that you’re not repeating the same old destructive relationship patterns over and over
- Heal and forgive past wounds so that trust is restored between you
- Understand and appreciate each other’s differences so that both of you can be yourselves with each othe r and live an authentic life together, without needing to change to please your partner or keep the peace
- Take time-outs in order to keep emotions in check during arguments
- Stop playing the victim card
- Seek couple therapy to help find your way through this phase
New relationships & marriages
Definition
- When two individuals begin dating they may come across unexpected challenges.
- Marriage can bring two individuals together in a way that calls for blending of family values
- Frequent arguing about everyday household tasks
- Different styles of communication
Causes
- When upbringing and family values of one individual combines with that of another problems can arise within the relationship
Treatment
- Openly discuss differences and ways to compromise
- Learn effective communication skills
- Seek couples counseling to find ways of blending values and communicating effectively when difficulties arise
Infidelity
Definition
- Infidelity is a violation of a couple’s assumed or stated contract regarding emotional and/or sexual exclusivity
Causes
- Studies have reported that men are more likely to engage in extramarital sex if they are unsatisfied sexually, while women are more likely to engage in sex if they are unsatisfied emotionally
- Marital dissatisfaction overall is the number one reason often reported for infidelity for both sexes
- Other factors which can cause infidelity are low self-esteem, sex addiction, and depression
Treatment
- Some individuals may experience trauma after discovering their partner had an affair. There may be a sense of loss and grief due to the betrayal. Individuals will most likely feel angry and hopeless. During this time individual therapy can help process the sense of loss and ways to cope
- Once individuals process the affair it’s important the couple clarify issues, which lead to the affair and whether or not the couple wants to mend the relationship. This can be done with help from couple’s therapy.
In-law conflict
Definition
- Issues can arise between a couple and the families of either individual
Causes
- Disagreements about child rearing practices
- Family members that are very opinionated
- Your partner may side with his family instead of you during conflict
Treatment
- Learn conflict resolution in order to attempt solving small conflicts
- Set clear boundaries with your in-laws
- Negotiate with your partner what role you want your in-laws to play in your lives
- Keep marriage problems within the marriage
- Seek couples therapy to learn how to manage in-law difficulties
Sexual issues
Definition
- Anxiety about sex
- Impotence
- Lack of sexual desire
- Anxiety or uncertainty about sexual orientation
- Conflicting sexual desires between partners
- Recovery from sexual abuse or sexual assault
- Loneliness
- Body-image issues
- Sexual impulses or compulsions that cause distress
Causes
- Stress, low self-esteem, boredom, depression
- Medical conditions (diabetes, heart conditions, neurological conditions, etc)
- Marital or relationship problems
Treatment
- Seek medical attention
- Ask your doctor for a physical
- Learn stress management techniques
- Seek help from a sex therapist or couples therapist
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Adults
Depression
Definition
- Mood disorder that causes a persistent feeling of sadness and/or loss of interest.
- Affects how you feel, think, and behave: can lead to a variety of emotional and physical problems; you may have trouble doing normal day-to-day activities; may make you feel as if life isn’t worth living.
- During an episode of depression, you may experience some of the following symptoms: feelings of sadness, emptiness, or unhappiness; angry outburst, irritability or frustration, even over small matters; loss of interest or pleasure in normal activities, such as sex; sleep disturbances; tiredness and lack of energy; changes in appetite; anxiety, agitation, or restlessness; etc.
Cause
- Biological differences: People with depression appear to have physical changes in their brains. The significance of these changes is still uncertain, but may eventually help pinpoint causes.
- Brain chemistry: Neurotransmitters are naturally occurring brain chemicals that likely play a role in depression. When these chemicals are out of balance, it may be associated with depressive symptoms.
- Hormones: Changes in the body’s balance of hormones may be involved in causing or triggering depression. Hormone changes can result from thyroid problems, menopause, or a number of other conditions.
- Inherited traits: Depression is more common people whose biological (blood) relatives also have this condition. Researchers are trying to find genes that may be involved in causing depression.
- Life events: Traumatic events such as the death or loss of a loved one, financial problems, high stress, or childhood trauma can trigger depression in some people.
Treatment and Prevention
- Most people with depression feel better with medication, psychological counseling, or both.
- Seek individual therapy, as well as couples and/or family therapy.
- Work with a care team (doctor, psychiatrist, and/or psychologist) to complete a physical exam, lab tests, and a psychological evaluation.
Grief
Definition
- Your emotional reaction to a significant loss. The words sorrow and heartache are often used to describe feelings of grief.
- Grieving is the process of emotional and life adjustment you go through after a loss. Grieving is also known as bereavement.
- A wide range of feelings and symptoms are common during grieving (i.e., shock, numbness, sadness, anger, guilt, anxiety, fear, relief, peace, happiness, sleeplessness, weakened immune symptom).
- You may become depressed or overly anxious during, or as a result of, the grieving process.
- Anticipatory grief is grief that strikes in advance of an impending loss. For example, you may feel anticipatory grief for a loved one who is sick and dying.
Causes
- Grief and grieving are the natural response to a major loss. But any loss can cause feelings of grief, sometimes when you least expect it:
- Death of a loved one.
- Being diagnosed with a chronic or terminal disease.
- Disability from a severe accident or illness.
- Divorce or the end of a relationship.
- Miscarriage or stillbirth.
- The birth of a child with a birth defect.
- A diagnosis of infertility.
- Learning that your child or teen has developed a behavior problem, learning disability, or substance abuse disorder.
- A move from a familiar home. This is especially hard for older adults.
- Job loss.
- Loss of independence after a serious accident or illness.
- An act of violence or a natural disaster.
- Grief can also be caused by a loss related to a normal, seemingly positive life change:
- Starting school (loss of the comfort of home and familiar surroundings).
- Gaining increasing independence and self-responsibility in the late childhood and teen years (loss of dependence on parents).
- Marriage (loss of independent decision making).
- Birth of a child (loss of independence).
- Retirement (loss of income, work-related identity, and daily social contact).
- Aging and maturing (loss of physical strength and youthful appearance).
- You may find that old feelings of grief from past loss can be triggered by current experiences or anniversaries of that loss. This is normal.
Treatment and Prevention
- Contact a grief counselor or bereavement support group for help.
- Social support, good self-care, and the passage of time are usually the best medicine for grieving.
Trauma
Definition
- Emotional and psychological trauma is the result of extraordinarily stressful events that shatter your sense of security, making you feel helpless and vulnerable in a dangerous world.
- Traumatic experiences often involve a threat to life or safety, but any situation that leaves you feeling overwhelmed and alone can be traumatic, even if it doesn’t involve physical harm.
- It’s not the objective facts that determine whether an even is traumatic, but your subjective emotional experience of the event.
- Emotional and psychological symptoms of trauma: shock, denial, or disbelief; anger, irritability, mood swings; guilt, shame, self-blame; feeling sad or hopeless; confusion, difficulty concentrating; anxiety and fear; withdrawing from others; feeling disconnected or numb.
- Physical symptoms of trauma: insomnia or nightmares; being startled easily; racing heartbeat; aches and pains; fatigue; difficulty concentrating; edginess and agitation; muscle tension.
Causes
- An event will most likely lead to emotional or psychological trauma if it happened unexpectedly, you were unprepared for it, you felt powerless to prevent it, it happened repeatedly, someone was intentionally cruel, and/or it happened in childhood.
- Emotional and psychological trauma can be caused by single-blow, one-time events (i.e., a horrible accident, a natural disaster, or a violent attack).
- Trauma can also stem from ongoing, relentless stress (i.e., living in a crime-ridden neighborhood, fighting in a war, or struggling with cancer).
- Commonly overlooked causes of emotional and psychological trauma: falls or sports injuries, surgery (especially in the first three years of life), the sudden death of someone close, a car accident, the breakup of a significant relationship, a humiliating or deeply disappointing experience, and the discovery of a life-threatening illness or disabling condition.
- People are more likely to be traumatized by a stressful experience if they’re already under a heavy stress load or have recently suffered a series of losses.
- People are also more likely to be traumatized by a new situation if they’ve been traumatized before – especially if the earlier trauma occurred in childhood.
Treatment and Prevention
- Recovering from a traumatic event takes time, and everyone heals at his or her own pace.
- In order to heal from psychological and emotional trauma, you must face and resolve the unbearable feelings and memories you’ve long avoided. Otherwise they will return again and again, unbidden and uncontrollable.
- Trauma treatment and healing involves process trauma-related memories and feelings, discharging pent-up “fight-or-flight” energy, learning how to regulate strong emotions, and building or rebuilding the ability to trust other people.
- Seek individual therapy, with a therapist who works with trauma issues.
- Seek couples and/or family therapy if your relationships are also being affected.
Anxiety
Definition
- Anxiety is a normal reaction to stress and can actually be beneficial in some situations.
- For some people anxiety can become excessive and they may have difficulty controlling it and it may negatively affect their day-to-day living.
- There are a wide variety of anxiety disorders, including post-traumatic stress disorder, obsessive-compulsive disorder, and panic disorder to name a few.
- Unlike the relatively mild, brief anxiety caused by a stressful event (i.e., public speaking or a first date), anxiety disorders last at least six months and can get worse if left untreated. Each anxiety disorder has different symptoms, but all the symptoms cluster around excessive, irrational fear and dread.
Causes
- Scientists currently think that anxiety most likely results form a combination of genetic, environmental, psychological, and developmental factors.
- Scientists are looking at what role genes play in the development of anxiety disorders and are also investigating the effects of environmental factors such as pollution, physical and psychological stress, and diet.
- Several parts of the brain are also key factors in the production of fear and anxiety. For example, the emotional memories storied in the central part of the amygdala may play a role in anxiety disorders involving very distinct fears (i.e., fears of dogs, spiders, or flying).
Treatment and Prevention
- A psychologist, psychiatrist, or medical doctor must conduct a careful diagnostic evaluation to determine whether a person’s symptoms are caused by an anxiety disorder or a physical problem. If an anxiety disorder is diagnosed, the type of disorder or the combination of disorders that are present must be identified, as well as any coexisting conditions (i.e., depression, substance abuse).
- In general, anxiety disorders are treated with medication, specific types of psychotherapy, or both. It may also be beneficial to seek couples and/or family therapy, should you find that your symptoms are affecting your relationships.
- Many people with anxiety disorders also benefit from joining a self-help or support group and sharing their problems and achievements with others.
- Stress management techniques and meditation can help people with anxiety disorders calm themselves and may enhance the effects of therapy.
Obsessive-Compulsive Disorder (OCD)
Definition
- Most people at one time or another experience obsessive thoughts or compulsive behaviors.
- OCD occurs when an individual experiences obsessions and compulsions for more than an hour each day, in a way that interferes with his or her life.
- Obsessions are intrusive, irrational thoughts – unwanted ideas or impulses that repeatedly appear in a person’s mind.
- The person may repeatedly experience disturbing thoughts (i.e., “My hands must be contaminated; I need to wash them”; “I may have left the gas stove on; I need to go check it fast”; “I am going to injure my child by accident; I need to be very careful or else something bad will happen.”)
- On one level, the person experiencing these thoughts knows their obsessions are irrational.
- But on another level, he or she fears these thoughts might be true.
- Trying to avoid such thoughts creates great anxiety, distress, and dysfunction.
- Compulsions are repetitive rituals (i.e., hand washing, counting, checking, hoarding, or arranging).
- The person repeats these actions many times throughout the day and performing these actions releases anxiety, but only momentarily.
- People with OCD feel they must perform these compulsive rituals or something bad will happen to them or their loved ones.
- OCD is often described as “a disease of doubt”. Individuals with OCD experience “pathological doubt” because they are unable to distinguish between what is possible, what is probable, and what is unlikely to happen.
Causes
- A large body of scientific evidence suggests that OCD results from a chemical imbalance in the brain.
- Genetics are thought to be very important in OCD. If you, or your parent or sibling, have OCD, there’s close to a 25 percent chance that another of your immediate family members will have it.
- OCD has been found to be connected with dysfunction in certain parts of the brain, specifically the basal ganglia and the frontal lobes.
Treatment and Prevention
- OCD will not go away by itself, so it is important to seek treatment. Although symptoms may become less severe from time to time, OCD is a chronic disease.
- With medication and behavior therapy, OCD can be treated effectively.
- Both medications and behavioral therapy affect brain chemistry, which in turn affects behavior.
- Doctors are also increasingly aware of the role that regular exercise, getting enough sleep, and a healthy diet have in the treatment of OCD.
Break-Up, Separation, and Divorce
Definition
- Break-Up: the discontinuance of a relationship (i.e., romantic relationship, friendship).
- Separation: a court-decreed right to live apart, with the rights and obligations of divorced persons, but without divorce; the parties are still married and cannot remarry.
- Divorce: the ending of a marriage with one’s spouse by way of legal divorce.
Causes
- There are many factors that can cause a fractured relationship and lead to a break-up, separation, or divorce:
- Distance: An emotionally distant partner can be frustrating, which is why it is important to keep the communication flowing. When talking and sharing stops, an invisible wall goes up, which can lead to some very unhappy endings.
- The Real Self Emerges: It takes about six months to get to know someone fairly well and to see multiple sides of that person. This is why it is so crucial that you take your time getting to know anyone you are dating.
- Dishonesty and Deception: Lies (i.e., being dishonest, cheating, or other questionable behaviors) destroy a crucial component in a partnership: trust. A person’s need to lie is a telling clue about his or her character and emotional health, as well.
- Lazy Bones: Some people put their best feet forward when trying to woo their partners, but once they’re feeling comfortable, they stop putting any thought or energy into the relationship. Both partners have to give in a relationship, and that means sharing responsibilities, thinking of date ideas, and providing dinner (even if it’s take-out!).
- When Criticism Creeps In…: A once-fantastic relationship can turn negative when one of the parties starts picking apart the other. Three really isn’t room for this in a flourishing relationship, where both people should be lifting one another up – not tearing them down.
- Different Directions: Sometimes the circumstances and timing in our lives (i.e., a job in another state, starting graduate school) are enough to end a once-promising union. In these situations, it’s not about pointing fingers, but accepting that not every relationship is meant to last.
- Too Physical, Too Fast: It takes time to form the healthy emotional circuits needed to sustain a lasting relationship. Trust and the willingness to commit can’t be rushed. But surging sexual energy can short out a potential partnership, if switched on too early.
- Fairytale Fantasies (a.k.a. Unrealistic Expectations): There’s nothing wrong with believing the best about each other, but understanding that along the way there will be bumps in the road is important. Every relationship requires compromise, patience, understanding, and hard work.
- Unchecked Emotional Baggage: All of us carry around wounds we’ve received as children, or in past relationships, the key is how willing you are to examine them and work through them. Left unchecked, you’ll likely encounter the same problems in every relationship you start.
Treatment and Prevention
- You have a better chance if both parties of the relationship are willing to work on the relationship.
- Seek and participate in couples therapy.
- It may also be beneficial to seek individual and/or family therapy, in addition to couples therapy.
Job and/or School Stress
Definition
- Job and school stress can be defined as the harmful, physical and emotional responses that occur when the requirements of the job or school do not match the capabilities, resources, or needs of the worker or student.
- Stress can hit anyone at any level of the business and recent research shows that work-related stress is widespread and is not confined to particular sectors, jobs, or industries.
- Stress is not an illness – it is a state. However, if stress becomes too excessive and prolonged, mental and physical illness may develop.
- Stress is a natural reaction to too much pressure.
Causes
- Work- and school-related stress develops because a person is unable to cope with the demands being placed on them.
- Job- and school-related stress can be attributed to multiple factors: demands, control, support, relationships, role, and change.
- A person can reduce the impact of high demands if they have high control over their work.
- The impact of high demands and low control can be reduced by having high levels of support.
- Relationships can be one of the biggest sources of stress, especially where there are problems (i.e., bullying, harassment).
- Problems with role are probably the easier problems to solve.
- Change does not have to be at an organizational level to have an impact on individuals or teams (i.e., changes in team members).
Treatment and Prevention
- A balanced life should be the goal.
- Learn techniques to manage time and manage stress.
- Seek individual therapy to learn how to cope with symptoms of stress.
- Seek couples and/or family therapy if stress is also affecting those relationships.
Crime and/or Accident Victim
Definition
- Every victim is different. You may experience shock, numbness, denial, disbelief, and anger.
- Crime victims suffer a tremendous amount of physical and psychological trauma.
- The primary injuries victims suffer can be grouped into three distinct categories: physical, financial, and emotional.
- When victims do not receive the appropriate support and intervention in the aftermath of the crime, they suffer “secondary” injuries.
- Secondary injuries can be caused by friends, family, and (most often) by the professionals victims encounter as a result of the crime. Those individuals may lack the ability or training to provide the necessary comfort and assistance to the victim.
- Many victims of accidents find it difficult to regulate their thoughts, feelings, mood, and behavior. They may often feel shook-up, agitated anxious, depressed, numb, or in a generalized state of uneasiness. Many have problems with memory, attention, and concentration, are forgetful or internally preoccupied, fearful, and phobic. Others prefer to be by themselves or withdraw from people, and avoid many activities they once enjoyed or experienced no difficulty in doing.
Causes
- Sometimes it is impossible to prevent being victim to a crime or accident. Reactions to this type of trauma vary from person to person and can last for hours, days, weeks, months, or years.
- There are many different situations/incidents that can lead to a person experiencing the trauma of victimization: arson, burglary, cyber-crime, fraud, hate crime, childhood and/or domestic abuse, rape or sexual assault, robbery, stalking and harassment, etc.
- How you react to a crime will depend on the type of crime; whether you know the person who committed the crime; the support you get (or don’t get) from your family, friends, the police, and other people you come into contact with; things that have happened to you in the past.
Treatment and Prevention
- Medical Care: You may want/need to seek medical care to treat your injuries (i.e., bruises, scrapes, cuts, broken bones, internal injuries), get tested and treated for sexually transmitted diseases, or to treat other physical reactions (i.e., rapid heart rate and breathing, increased blood pressure, nausea, or sleeplessness).
- Counseling: Counseling can help you manage the emotional and physical impact of the crime or accident and regain a sense of control over your life. You can choose from many different types of counseling: hotline, group counseling, and individual counseling. It may also be beneficial to your relationships to seek couples or family counseling.
- Reporting the Crime/Accident: You may want to talk to a victim advocate to help you make the decision whether to report the crime/accident. The advocate can guide you through the criminal justice system and help you solve problems that may arise as you cope with your reactions to the crime.
Veteran and Military Readjustment
Definition
- Readjustment is the term used to describe the difficult transition from military to civilian life.
- Military service is difficult, demanding, and dangerous.
- But returning to civilian life also poses challenges for the men and women who have served in the armed forces.
- Civilians may not be aware of the unique challenges that separating from military service and returning to civilian life can present. Veterans may find difficulty:
- Relating to people who do not know or understand what military personnel have experienced.
- Reconnecting with family and re-establishing a role in the family.
- Joining or creating a community.
- Preparing to enter the work force.
- Returning to a job.
- Creating structure.
- Adjusting to providing basic necessities (i.e., food, clothing, housing).
- Adjusting to a different pace of life and work.
- Individualistic culture versus a culture of service and teamwork.
- Establishing services.
Causes
- Veterans who are commissioned and those who have graduated from college are more likely to have easy time readjusting to their post-military life than those who are high school graduates.
- Veterans who have a clear understanding of their missions while serving also tend to experience fewer difficulties transitioning into civilian life than those who did not fully understand their duties or assignments.
- Veterans who experience an emotionally traumatic experience while serving or who suffer a serious service-related injury are more likely to have a difficult time with re-entry to civilian life.
- Veterans who served in a combat zone and those who knew someone who was killed or injured also tend to have a more difficult time readjusting to their post-military life.
Treatment and Prevention
- Seek counseling services that focus on supporting a successful transition from military to civilian life:
- Individual and group counseling for Veterans and their families.
- Family and/or couples counseling for military-related issues.
- Bereavement counseling for families who experience an active duty death.
- Military sexual trauma counseling.
- Reach out to other Veterans or Veterans’ groups for social support.
- Avoid unhealthy “quick fixes” that you think may help you cope (i.e., drinking alcohol, taking drugs, or smoking cigarettes).
Childhood Abuse and Traumas
Definition
- The effects of childhood sexual and physical abuse last a lifetime.
- Abused children may grow up to be adults prone to depression, anxiety, substance abuse, and other psychiatric disorders.
- Abused children may grow up to be adults who are more prone to suicide.
- Childhood abuse can damage the very substance of the brain and how it functions.
- Childhood abuse can disrupt normal brain activity by diminishing its capacity to handle stress.
- This results in altered mood, sleep disturbances, heightened anxiety, and irritability. Consequently, there is an increased likelihood for Major Depression, PTSD, Generalized Anxiety, and other psychiatric disorders.
- The emotional upheavals suffered by adults who were abused as children can continue to:
- Wreak havoc on jobs and school.
- Lead to substance abuse.
- Devastate relationships, including marriages.
- Perhaps the most tragic effect of child abuse is that adults who were abused as children, either physically, emotionally, or sexually, have a higher than expected risk of becoming abusers themselves.
Causes
- “Biological embedding” occurs through programming being circuitry in ways that shape response patters to subsequent stress. That causes wear and tear extending across multiple mind-body systems, and creates adverse health outcomes decades later.
- Research suggests that toxic childhood stress alters neural responses to stress, boosting the emotional and physical arousal to threat, and making it more difficult for that reaction to be shut off.
Treatment and Prevention
- Seek individual therapy services.
- Therapy can help a person express and process difficult emotions associated with the abuse, develop self-compassion and self-care strategies for managing moments when he or she feels emotionally overwhelmed, and learn to trust again.
- If you find that your relationships are being negatively impacted by symptoms related to your experience of childhood abuse and trauma, seek couples and/or family therapy.
- Group therapy has also demonstrated effectiveness in providing social support to help abuse survivors cope with and transform their feelings of shame, guilt, and alienation from others as they interact and bond with other people who have lived through similar experiences.
Parenting Issues
Definition
- Raising a human being can be a daunting task.
- It is a parent’s task to work with their children – and the unique personality of each child – to develop appropriate behaviors and social skills, learn life skills, and create healthy relationships.
- Parenting issues can trigger deep levels of stress, chronic worry, depression, chronic irritability, or explosive anger.
- Sometimes parenting engenders posttraumatic stress (i.e., when a mother has had a traumatic birthing experience or when a parent has had to deal with the loss of a child).
Causes
- Parents have limitations:
- Sometimes their own childhood experiences have left them with deficient models of parenting (i.e., growing up in a volatile home, living through a difficult divorce, having ill or unavailable parents, living with addiction, etc.).
- Sometimes their own physical or emotional health challenges can make parenting more difficult.
- Sometimes parents are simply facing issues with their child that they do not know how to handle (i.e., a child who refuses to be toilet trained, a kid who gets bullied at school, a son or daughter who wants to drop out of college before graduating, etc.).
- There is often a difference in parenting styles, amongst co-parents:
- Grandparent Involvement: When it comes to grandkids, grandparents can tend to undermine you (the parents) and spoil the kids rotten.
- Criticism About Parenting: There are no set rules for parenting. Unless health or safety is concerned, allow room for your co-parent to do things differently and choose worthwhile battles.
- Escaping for “Me” Time: A major parenting issues is the loss of “me” time. To help address this need, have open communication with your co-parent and establish ample alone time away for each of you.
- Dividing Household and Children Duties: Clearly divide household and children duties so there is no confusion or resentment about you doing more than your co-parent.
- How to Discipline Your Children: When you find you and your co-parent are butting heads over how your kids should be disciplined, set time aside away from “little ears” and discuss how you’d like to discipline your children – present a unified front.
- Deciding Who Gets Up With the Kids: Having kids usually means getting a lot less sleep. Agree on a schedule of who gets up with the kids to cut out any bitterness or feelings that your co-parent is getting more sleep than you.
Treatment and Prevention
- Seek and participate in individual therapy, as well as couples and/or family therapy.
- Learn how to positively communicate with your child.
- Learn how to positively communicate with your co-parent.
Career/Job Dissatisfaction
Definition
- Job dissatisfaction is an employee’s response to their job that can range from feelings of apathy, to depression and despair, to anger, frustration, and resentment.
- It all means a desire to quit and move on to something better and many employees are there right now.
- Employee dissatisfaction leads to a non-hygienic and non-favorable work environment.
- The clear and obvious signs of employee dissatisfaction include: excessive tardiness and absenteeism; lack of enthusiasm indicated by reducing working hours; decreased quality and quantity of work; complaints by employees against a particular individual within the company; complaints by an individual employee regarding salary, benefits, working hours, working conditions, etc.; increased e-mail/internet usage during work time; displays of anger, frequent arguments with associates or team members, or other inappropriate activity.
Causes
- There are a number of specific causes for job dissatisfaction, but it is understood there are four main areas that reside in this issue:
- Being underpaid: Not being paid what you are worth is called being underpaid. This one issue is the most challenging one to work with because it can be driven by interpretation or perspective that is very personal or individually focused.
- Limited career growth: Not having the opportunity to climb the ladder and grow your career is another area that can foster dissatisfaction with a position.
- Lack of interest: This is a very straightforward concept, but you might be wondering why anyone would take a job they were not interested in. People need to work and need jobs, so they might indeed take a position that does interest them so they can pay the bills. Additionally, what a person is told a job is during the interview process does not always materialize.
- Poor management: Not having the leadership required is another reason for dissatisfaction. People want to be led. They want to work with people who inspire them and have a vision.
Treatment and Prevention
- When managers realize that an employee is showing signs of dissatisfaction, a meeting should be set up allowing the employee to air grievances.
- Reports of discontent give management the opportunity to examine and correct potential problems in the company.
- Management may want to consider bringing in an outside mental health professional to help build morale.
- An individual may want to seek individual, couples, or family therapy, as this type of dissatisfaction can negatively impact other life arenas.
Loneliness and Isolation
Definition
- As social beings, most of us feel the need for rewarding social contact and relationships. Loneliness is that feeling we get when our need for this type of contact is not met.
- Loneliness is not the same as being alone.
- You might choose to be alone and live happily without much contact with other people.
- Or you may have lots of social contact, or be in a relationship or part of a family and still feel lonely.
- Loneliness can have a significant impact on your mental health and can contribute to mental health problems (i.e., anxiety and depression).
Causes
- Loneliness has many different causes and affects people differently.
- Often people feel lonely because of their personal circumstances.
- Certain lifestyles and the stresses of daily life can make some people socially isolated and vulnerable to loneliness.
- There are many situations that might make you feel isolated or lonely: losing a partner or someone close to you; going through a relationship break-up; being a single parent or caring for someone else; retirement and losing the social contact you had at work; moving to a new area without family, friends, or community networks; living in an area without others from a similar background; exclusion from social activities; experiencing discrimination and stigma; experiencing sexual or physical abuse.
- Sometimes loneliness is a deeper, more constant feeling that comes from within.
- You might feel unable to like yourself or to be liked by others, or you may lack self-confidence.
- Sometimes, consciously or unconsciously, people isolate themselves within their relationships because they are afraid of being hurt.
Treatment and Prevention
- If you experience this deeper type of loneliness, you may try to avoid being on your own and spend more of your time socializing.
- Avoid developing unhelpful habits (i.e., using alcohol or drugs) to escape your feelings of loneliness or to face social situations.
- For many people, overcoming loneliness is about increasing the level of social contact that they have with other people and there are different ways to do this: connecting with the world around you; making the most of social contact; meeting people and making friends; meeting people online; peer support; learning to spend time alone.
- Work with a therapist to explore and understand your feelings of loneliness and help you develop positive ways of dealing with them.
Dealing with Difficult People
Definition
- No matter where we go, we will face people who are negative, people who oppose our ideas, people who piss us off, or people who simply do not like us.
- Conflict is a fact of life and this can trigger our emotions and our emotions are what drive us back to our most basic survival instinct; react and attack back to defend ourselves.
Causes
- When we react to negativity, we are disturbing our inner space and mentally creating pain within ourselves.
- When people initiate negativity, it is a reflection of their inner state expressed externally and you may just happen to be in front of that expression.
Treatment and Prevention
- Define the nature of difficult behavior: Every behavior has a purpose. People do what they do, based on what seems to be most important for any given moment.
- Evaluate if the behavior is simply a personality style, a cultural tendency, a specific tactic they are suing to intimidate you, and/or due to something that recently happened in their life.
- Qualifying: Before you act, pay attention to the positive and negative effects of the behavior. Once you know how the behavior fits into your life, and how severe the effects are, you may decide that you are willing to accept the behavior. However, most people who encounter inconsiderate behavior usually want to modify some aspect of the situation.
- Generally, to deal with any type of difficult behavior you have four choices: stay and do nothing; remove the person from your life; change your behavior; change your attitude.
- Seek individual therapy to learn ways to cope with and manage difficult behaviors/people, as well as your own behaviors and attitude.
- If this is affecting your relationships, you may want to seek couples and/or family therapy.
Developing Positive Relationships
Definition
- Healthy relationships are characterized by compassion, security, safety, freedom of thinking, sharing, listening, mutual love and caring, healthy debates and disagreements, and respectfulness, especially when there are differences in opinions.
- Toxic relationships are characterized by insecurity, abuse of power and control, demandingness, selfishness, insecurity, self-centeredness, criticism, negativity, dishonesty, distrust, demeaning comments and attitudes, and jealousy.
- Unhealthy relationships can turn into a toxic internal environment that can lead to stress, depression, anxiety, and even medical problems.
- Toxic relationships can take many forms: toxic partners, toxic friendships, toxic parent/child relationships, or toxic coworkers, etc.
Causes
- The tendency to unconsciously seek out toxic relationships frequently stars with past negative experiences when we are children and might carry on throughout our lives.
- There are specific behaviors that have a toxic effect on relationships: being selfish or demanding, behaving as if you have power over your partner; acting out the role of parent or child, by showing submission or dominance; using emotional coercion or manipulation to get what you want; denying your own or your partner’s separateness or individuality, instead seeking a merged identity; confusing real love with desperation or emotional hunger; refusing to act in kind ways with actions your partner would perceive as loving.
Treatment and Prevention
- Work with a mental health professional to develop insight and self-awareness, through individual and/or couples therapy.
- Complete yourself, rather than relying on a relationship to complete you:
- Step out of denial: Ask yourself questions about your relationships.
- Keep a log of emotions: Log your feelings immediately following spending time with the other person to determine whether it is a toxic or positive relationship.
- Identify the perks: Determine what, specifically, you are getting from this relationship.
- Fill the hole: Find alternative sources of peace and wholeness.
- Surround yourself with positive friends: Be smart with whom you choose to hang out.
- Drop a note to yourself: Write a note to yourself to cover those fragile moments when you know you will need reinforcement.
- Bribe yourself: On your way to freeing yourself from the harness of a toxic relationship, reward yourself at various stages along the way.
- Heal the shame: Relationships are supposed to make you feel better, not worse. The right kind of love is out there – in fact, it most likely exists in so many of your other relationships.
- Repeat affirmations: Once the negative core beliefs have been exposed and challenged as false, you need to adopt positive, life-affirming beliefs.
- Allow some rest: The energy it takes to endure withdrawal to an addictive or toxic relationship is equivalent to working a full-time job. After breaking off a toxic relationship, lay low and avoid packing your day with too many activities.